Tuesday, April 15, 2014

I let my past go too fast, no time to pause

Today we get our first glimpse at the progress of Jay's treatment in the clinical trial. Even though I know better than to have hope, my heart is still raw with it.

The past couple of weeks have been very hard, as Jay has struggled with his food issues. I've developed related food issues of my own, which have been good in one sense as I'm trying to lose weight, but difficult in another, as I feel like we've both been badly trained around food.

These weeks of difficulty on top of the previous weeks of treatment have worn me down to nothing. My emotions are always at the surface - you don't even have to scratch the surface to get to them. They're just right there, perfectly present.

I'm pinning all my hopes on our flight home tomorrow, even as I know how difficult that will be.  I just want to be home, whatever that brings.