My meditation practice has taken an interesting turn. My mind starts spontaneously chanting on the in-breath: In this moment I know peace (be here now), and on the out-breath: In this moment I know joy (be here now). It starts and stops without any choice from me. It doesn't happen every session, but it's fun to watch while it's happening.
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I found Jay's bathrobe while cleaning out a downstairs closet. Ironically, it was exactly the bathrobe I'd been shopping for without success. It's a bit big, but I'm enjoying wearing it on these nice cool mornings.
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I'm still having issues with getting to sleep. I'm to the point of exhaustion every night when I turn out the lights, but it feels like I'm taking longer and longer to actually get to sleep. This is frustrating. I can't decide if this is just an extension of the grief sleep issues I've been having, or whether this is the start of menopausal sleep issues, or some hideous overlap of the two.
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With the chemo chair gone, that side of the living room feels unbalanced, even though it's basically back to the arrangement it was in before the black chair came into the picture. It will take a bit of getting used to, having things back the way they were.
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One thing Jay brought me back from his trip to Taos last year was a tiny trilobite fossil. He said he wanted to bring me a slice of Deep Time, since that was what we were living in and/or through. I've been contemplating that truth recently, to no conclusions, but it's made for interesting thinking.
The living room probably feels unbalanced with only one chair on that side of the room since the energy that defined the space for the last couple of years involved the two chairs that you and Jay occupied, side by side. Having one chair there underscores that the energy of the room is anchored on one person, alone. I think that maybe you should drag your cushion to the middle of that space and meditate there for a few days. I think that the balance will return to the space after you have contemplated it and accepted it and then pushed that vision out from yourself to the room. (I hope that doesn't sound too hokey for you.)
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