Sunday, June 8, 2014

I'll give this trumpet up Give it up to Gabriel

One week After

Got very little sleep last night. One week on, I was haunted by memories of the Saturday before. I turned on the lights every time I got up to use the bathroom.

Feeling very sad today, very empty.

I got up briefly right at 5:45, just to note the anniversary of Jay's passing, then slept some more.

Had a lovely brunch today with a friend, and have spent the rest of the day holed up in the house, laying low and watching video.

Tomorrow I go back to work - we'll see how well that goes.

I have some of his ashes on the dresser with some pictures of him. Seems unreal that I will never see him again.

Life goes on, and so does grieving. Disbelief and bargaining are going strong today. We'll see what tomorrow brings.


  1. i read this,i have no words of comfort, but i want you to know that i read this.

  2. Oh. Going back to work one week after being widowed. I have been there, done that. If you can't handle a full day back, please be gentle with yourself.

  3. I wrote this months after my husband died, and if it helps use it. If not ignore it. The first week pain is too sharp, too real, too awful to bear. DIstractions (like going back to work) can help. But then you turn a corner and walk into that wall again.

    Grief Is Not

    Grief is not getting easier,
    But becoming more ordinary,
    As if I’ve always carried this stone in my breast,
    Calling it a heart.

    Grief is not going away,
    Just not arriving in tsunami force.
    Rather it’s a steady high tide,
    Which makes me wonder about the rocks below.

    Grief is not a one-time thing,
    Not several days, weeks, months,
    But is a visitor who has moved in for good,
    And occasionally helps out around the house.

    Grief is not unwelcome here,
    For it reminds me of how much I have lost,
    And how blessed I was
    To have so much to lose.

    --Jane Yolen.

    PS Ignore people (even me) who tell you how to mourn. We each find out how to do that on our own.

  4. *hugs* sweetie. Take good care of yourself.

  5. I was an irregular follower of Jay's blog; I will probably be an irregular follower of yours. But I'm glad you're posting, and even though we don't know one another, I've thought of you often over the past months and especially the last week, and wish you well.

  6. Be gentle with yourself. BREATHE. there is no timetable and there are no expectations. *hugs*

  7. You don't know me, but I came over here from Jay's blog. I just want you to know I am bearing witness and holding a good thought for you.

  8. I'm here too--a stranger that cares deeply. Sending you strength and comfort.

  9. Lisa, I, too, came here from Jay's blog. I worked with him for a brief time back in '05-'06, and have been touched by his immense bravery. And yours. I am glad he had you in his life. May time be a healer for you.

  10. I think of you every day, Lisa. Lots. Sending love and hugs.

  11. How are you doing Lisa? We are all thinking of you and holding you in our thoughts and prayers.

  12. Sending good thoughts your way every day. Hang in there, sweetie.