Wednesday, June 4, 2014

I wish I could live free I hope it's not beyond me

Day 3 After

Not much today.

Started with day with a little self-care, in the form of a pedicure.

Then sofa shopping, to replace the poor broken-down sofa of Jay's young adulthood. Nothing bought, but first steps taken.

Walked a labyrinth with friend E. It was by far the largest/longest labyrinth I've walked, and I found myself getting impatient as it unfurled. The lesson here is that things take as long to unfold as they do - a valuable lesson for me right now. By the time I was done walking it, I could feel that some burden had been left behind.

Love is to be found everywhere, if we just have the right eyes to see. Same with joy.

Feeling like this life may actually be possible to live. Also feeling like that feeling won't last, but at least I've had a glimpse of it, and my mind and heart will remember it.


  1. Fantastic. <3 The Labryinth sounds like an amazing process/ritual

  2. You're doing great things :)
    I'm glad you see love everywhere, it will keep you sustained.

  3. Such true observations, Lisa. So glad you had a moment, however, fleeting, of peace.

    Was the labyrinth at the Grotto? I've walked that one. I love it up there.

  4. One day at a time. When my mother died last year, my father got through things by dealing with one week at a time. Each week he set himself a goal/task for the week (washing clothes for donation, dealing with the bank, dealing with her pension, tackling the home office)

    It was rough at the start, but eventually he regained his equilibrium. Now he goes to shows or dinner with friends, and right now he is in Ireland for two weeks.

    The first year is rough (all those milestones that are 'the first without...') but it gets better. So lean on your friends, and do what feels right.

  5. You are in my thoughts, Lisa.

  6. I'm so sorry, Lisa, and just in awe of all you did for him and hard it has been for you. I knew Jay and Mary Elizabeth when we were teenagers in communist Bulgaria, where our dads were diplomats together. I reconnected with him in Portland when I lived there with my family, 2004-2006. You are a special person. Please continue to take good care of yourself.

  7. I've walked a similar road, Lisa. I know the taking up and setting down of grief's weight. Take your time, and take it as it comes.

    In my experience, the passage of time sharpened memories and revealed small gifts I hadn't truly noticed or appreciated in the moment. I hope the same comforts come to you.