Wednesday, December 26, 2012

It runs in the family, this famine that carries me to such great lengths

Today is the 6th anniversary of my starting the Radiant Recovery addiction program.

It all started with my reading this (now badly-formatted) post on one of the many diet blogs I was reading at the time, which describes the sugar quiz in Potatoes Not Prozac (scroll down the page to "Diagnosing Sugar Sensitivity"), and realizing that *all* the items in that quiz described me.  It was a scary moment, realizing how much of an effect sugar was having in my life.

At the time, I was really just looking for yet another diet plan, another way to lose the weight that simply refused to come off.  What I got instead was life-changing.

As I wrote on my old, now-defunct blog back in June of 2009, these are the things I gave up when I gave up sugar:
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • PMS
  • Crazy thoughts
  • Self-loathing
  • Worry about my weight and how my body looks
  • Feeling done-to
  • Crying constantly out of sheer frustration at the perversity of the universe
  • Anger at the unfairness of the world
  • Feeling apart from the world
  • Not feeling totally human, feeling like The Other in every situation
  • Feeling isolated and inadequate
  • Feeling overwhelmed
  • Taking everything that happened personally
  • Cravings, especially for sugary and fatty things
  • Hiding my "special" foods, and feeling panicked if my chocolate supply dropped down too low
  • Bingeing on sugar and processed carbs
  • Being overwhelmed by other people's pain
  • Having an incredibly low pain threshold
  • Feeling the need for The Drama, and unconsciously looking for *any* way to create it
  • Always waiting for the other shoe to drop
  • Always expecting the worst
  • Being afraid of my emotions
  • Blurring my emotions with food
I have a good life today, and it's all because I started on this recovery path.  So happy anniversary to me, and many clean and sober returns.

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