Monday, October 8, 2012

I turn my back to the wind to catch my breath before I start off again

Long, tiring weekend.  Still recovering from bearing witness to this chemo session, from trying to support Jay and Ace, from trying not to melt down too hard in the face of it all.  There was a lovely birthday party on Saturday for the October birthdays in Jay's family, and Ace & I tried to do some shopping on Sunday, without much luck.  I did manage to introduce Ace to Five Guys, which she seemed to enjoy, and which marked my first Five Guys outside of the DC/MD/VA/DE area.

For the first part of the week, I have the house to myself.  Jay is in Omaha, Ace is off to the Oregon coast for some much-needed quiet and downtime.  I'm here working.  It's profoundly weird to be in this house alone, especially after all the noise and energy of the weekend.

I think I'm settling in OK, although I can already tell that living out of a suitcase is going to drive me nuts in short order.  I've collected a nice group of places to eat that are sufficiently program-friendly that I'm keeping that up to speed.

But I'm struggling with something that is making me laugh: I can never remember what car to look for when I come out into a parking lot.  I start out looking for the rental car I had when I was here in June, then I look for Jay's car, then I remember that all I have to do is to look for the car with the Maryland plates.  It's absurd, really.

It's also a measure of how exhausted I am.  I haven't had anything like a full night's sleep since my last night in Baltimore, which makes it just over a week now.  I keep napping, as if that's going to solve the problem.  It helps, but I'm beyond tired.

Tonight I'm planning to do my recovery chat for the first time in too long, then maybe go out and do some grocery shopping and then some light cooking for myself so I can stop eating out and start eating better program-friendly things.  My food journal is coming back to life, and that's always a good sign for my program.

Everyone keeps telling me I'm the sane one in this relationship, which both makes me laugh and scares me a little, but it just means I have to keep my meditation practice and my recovery practice strong and steady so I can be there when I'm needed.

For why else did I make this move?

1 comment:

  1. You made this move for you, dearest. The rest of us are just lucky beneficiaries.