Thursday, June 6, 2013

Never think of never, let this spell last forever

Today is Jay's birthday, which means that we've been together for a year.

This is not actually true.  This is really the anniversary of the day we met in real life for the first time.  But I cheat and call it our anniversary because neither of us knows exactly when we figured out we were a couple, so this date is just easier.  I'm lazy like that.

A lot has changed in this year, more for me than for Jay, I think.  A lot of the change is obvious: I moved cross-country, I'm in a now-no-longer-new committed relationship.  Some of the non-obvious change is a direct result of the obvious changes: I'm a lot more confident being in the world than I can ever remember being in my life.  There was probably a time in my early childhood that I briefly approached the world with the confidence I have now, but I don't remember it, and I can't imagine that it lasted very long.

The biggest change for me is my coming to see myself as strong.  Until I chose to come to JayCon last year and meet Jay, I would not have thought myself strong enough to choose what I have chosen and survive and thrive in the situation I am in.  The simple act of coming to JayCon was far and away more adventurous than anything I'd ever done in my life.

While we were trying to figure out whether we could actually work as a couple, I said to Jay in all seriousness that he had no idea how strong I was.  The irony is, neither did I.

In the year we've been together, Jay has helped me see myself so very clearly, to see all the good and bad that I carry within me.  He has loved me without question, for all the good and for all the bad.  He has brought untold joy into my life.  He has begun to teach me how to live life on fast-forward. Actually, he's taught me a lot about it already, but I'm a slow learner.  Hard to change the habits of a lifetime, but I'm working on it. Trying to keep that forward momentum going.

So happy birthday, my dear, and happy anniversary.  I love you.

7 comments:

  1. I love you, too, my darling dear.

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  2. I'm so happy for you - individually and collectively! <3

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  3. Congratulations on finding yourself and your place in the world. Thank you, Jay, for helping my dear friend pull a beautiful butterfly out of the constricting coccoon that bound her for so long.

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  5. You amaze and delight me. I can't wait to give you a hug! !!

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