Saturday, October 27, 2012

Fallen leaves in the night, who can say where they're blowing

Chemo weekend again this weekend.  Quieter so far, but still with plenty of social activity around the house.

Jay seemed more focused today than during the last session, which has been good to see.

***

I'm learning a lot from watching Jay go through this treatment, from watching him live his life with this disease.

Mostly what I'm learning, what I'm gaining, is the need to and the skill to stay in the moment.

Grief lurks around every corner, and by staying right where I am, moment to moment, and not looking forward, I can feel the grief without it being overwhelming.

I'm also learning how to open my heart to whatever comes, to whatever this moment holds, good or bad or anything in between.

I've learned so much from Jay already about how I want to live my life, by watching him live his.  Even now, even on weekends like this, I'm learning.

I've learned more about love in the not-quite 5 months I've known him than I ever thought I would in my life.  I have loved more in the not-quite 5 months I've known him than I ever thought myself capable of.  And I have accepted more love than I ever thought possible.


4 comments:

  1. Amazing. *hugs* You are wonderful Lisa. -- Sally

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  2. *hugs* We should all spend more time in the moment. While grief is something many of us have to live with, regret is something we can minimize by spending more of our time 'being' in the moment and also by not filling our lives with 'someday' plans.

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  3. The right teacher comes when you are ready. I really believe that. Hugs for being brave enough to learn.

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